She Is Not Dead, She Is Just Away
Posted: Tuesday, June 13, 2006
by jena
Jena Walker
This is a story about my mother. A precious jewel near and dear to my heart truly a blessing from God. My mother loved God so much. She walked with Him daily with a strong determination to live according to His purpose for her life. As she began to approach the age of 87 years, she became very ill. For much of her life she suffered many infirmities. I would venture to say that she spent more than half of her life in pain, oftentimes extreme, almost unbearable pain. She experience constant pain from arthritis. She refused to give in to her pain. No matter how she suffered, she remained steadfast.
My mother overcame many surgery procedures in her lifetime. To name a few: open-heart bypass surgery, also, glaucoma and cataract surgery. She survived a terrible car accident whereby her leg was caught in the fender of a car and she was dragged several blocks before the driver discovered she was hanging on the fender. She survived a terrible car crash where her wrist and nose was broken. She had poor circulation in her entire body. She managed by the grace of God to survive for 86 years in pain, but, functional. She continued to give her very best to God.
After all the pain and suffering, she continued to hold strong and steadfast to her faith in God. Old age and disease started to take its toll on her. One cold, snowy morning she had a stroke. Even then, she remained lucid. She was the strongest woman I have ever known. She was always concerned about everyone even if it meant denying herself. Even in her sickness, she said to me, "Let Pastor know where I am and give him my tithe and offering." I can remember watching her, as she lay there helpless. She was so fragile yet continued to fight for her existence on earth. She said, "I didn't do all the things I wanted to do to help others."
She wanted to do so much more. She said, "I have so much more work to do before I go home to meet God." I felt helpless. I did not know how to respond to my mother. She loved life and tried so hard to stay here. She worried about all of us and was worried that we would need her and she would not be here to help us.
My mother had a tendency to be over-protective. I suppose I inherited that tendency from her because she was always telling me to go home to my family and give her some space. I never wanted to leave her. I thought she needed me to protect and keep her safe.
Every time she was admitted to the hospital or just at home, because she was not feeling up to par, I went into a state of panic. I am reminded of how terrified I became every time the telephone rang, whether it was at my home or at work I became almost numb because I always expected the person on the other end to give me the fatal news that I was just not prepared to hear..... That my mother had crossed over to the other side. The land of no return.
I can remember my sister calling me and very sadly announcing that my mother's pain was getting increasingly worse. At that time, my mother had developed gangrene on the bottom of her heel. The pain was so intense my mother found it unbearable. We rushed my mother to the hospital emergency room.
After filling out mounds of paper work, the doctors and nurses got busy with her. They gave her every test imaginable. These test seemed to go on forever. I can remember looking into my mothers eyes I could see that she was so tired. She was weary and I felt very helpless.
Her tolerance level for pain was apparently very high because she suffered in silence. Several hours after being in the emergency room my mother was assigned to a hospital room. They contacted her personal physician and made a plan of action. Focusing on her heel, they did what they called de breeding and started her on antibiotics to kill the infection. The plan was to prevent the infection from traveling to other parts of her body.
Our family was gathered at the hospital by this time. We were all frantic with worry. Soon we received positive results from the doctors. We felt encouraged. However, that feeling of encouragement was short lived. A few days later complications set in and my mother hang between life and death.
The doctors summoned the family together and advised us that our mother's heart rate was too fast and her breathing was shallow. They administered medication that was supposed to slow down her heart rate and stabilize her breathing. Her heart rate decreased after about an hour, but it decreased too much and her breathing stopped. Code blue was called and my mother was rushed to the intensive care unit where doctors worked untiringly to revive her. They put my mother on life support.
The doctors once again summoned the family and gave us the news that my mother had brain damage. They said her kidneys and liver had failed. They told us that her heart was not beating on its own. The only thing keeping her alive was machinery. We listened attentively to the doctor in total shock. We were not ready to believe that we were losing our beloved mother. We struggled in an effort to prepare ourselves for the possibility of losing our mother forever. At around 1:00am we all decided to go home and rest. We needed to prepare ourselves mentally and physically for what we were about to be facing.
We were grief stricken.
Our pastor was summoned to the hospital to meet and pray with us. Several other church members came to pray with us also. We all prayed fervently. I can honestly say, I wish that I could have stood in her stead and carried her pain. I found it almost unbearable to watch her suffer. I would have gladly changed places with her. I did not want to imagine my life without my mother. I talked to God continuously. I wanted to understand the purpose of what was happening to my mother. I had a real hard time accepting the doctor's prognosis. The doctors said if she lived she would be a vegetable. I remained in denial.
I drew strength from my bible teachings. In the book of second Kings 20:2, a man by the name of Hezekiah was very sick and his sickness was terminal. God sent the prophet Isaiah to tell the King that he must get his house in order. As the story goes, Hezekiah must get his house in order for he would surely die. He was admonished to make final arrangements. He must plan his funeral and say his final goodbyes.
No matter how strong one's faith is it is a frightening experience to be told that you have a terminal illness. King Hezekiah did not want to die. According to scripture, he was still a young man. It is written that Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and appealed to God for prayer and counseling. He was tenacious and trusted God completely.
When we face the wall, there are no distractions. When we face the wall, we allow nothing else to influence our thoughts and prayers. When we face the wall, the only thing that matters is our relationship to God. When we face the wall, we are putting all of our trust in God and only God. When we face the wall, we lay down our ways, our ideas, and our thoughts. We give them all to God. A decision to face the wall is a decision to allow God to choose.
When we turn our face to the wall, we close all doors and totally open our hearts and minds. We yield only to God. King Hezekiah started to plead his case. The Bible says that Hezekiah wept sore. I interpret that statement to mean that he had tears streaming down his face in prayer and supplication as he plead his case to God. He asked God to change His mind and spare his life. God heard Hezekiah's fervent prayer and sent His servant Isaiah to go and tell Hezekiah that He heard his prayer and saw his tears and that he would be healed. It is written that God added 15 years to Hezekiah's life.
I am persuaded with strong conviction that what God did for Hezekiah he can do for any of His children. As a child of God, I stood in my mothers stead and pled her case. With limited knowledge and understanding, I turned my face to the wall and prayed to God for grace and mercy for my mother. I ask that His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. I begged for my mother's life. As tears streamed down my face, I begged God to give me more time with my mother. I was heartsick.
I realize that we will all have to die someday. We all have an appointed time. I was just not ready to lose my beloved mother. As I prayed, I listened and waited for a sign from God, as did Hezekiah. I waited to hear a word from God telling me that my mother would live and not die. After praying and pleading intensely, I suddenly felt a warm and comforting feeling come over me.
I now understand the true meaning of the phrase, "A peace that surpasses all understanding." I was suddenly filled with such peace and fulfillment. I went to bed that night thanking God for sparing my mother's life.
I had not heard anything from the doctors or the hospital. I named and claimed my mother healing in the name of Jesus. I trusted in God completely. I believed that He knows what is best for me. I went to work the next day still thanking and praising God.
While at work, I received a call from my sister saying mom was doing fine and she was stabile. That meant that she would be coming out of intensive care and going into a room. I was so careful to give God the praise and all the glory.
God is all-knowing. He knows the future. He knows everything about each of us. He is sovereign. I wish that I could say that my mother lived happily ever after. I cannot say that because my mother lived another two weeks and then she crossed over to the other side to be with God. I realize now that God was not answering my prayer in the same way that he answered Hezekiah's.
I believe what God was doing was helping me to make peace for my mothers departure from this earth. He was preparing me to let her go. He could have saved her because He can do anything but fail. He had a better place prepared for my mother. A place where she would suffer no pain. A place where she would be at peace and rest in His presence. I believe that my mother is with my earthly father now. My father crossed over approximately six years ago. I loved my father dearly, but he never needed me as much as my mother needed me. Dad never suffered any pain or sickness from infirmities. He was a healthy man. He crossed over peacefully. I miss both of my parents terribly. I think of them often.
I spent quality time with my mother. I loved her unconditionally. I take comfort in the fact that I will see her again one day and we can walk around heaven where the streets are paved with gold. I want to see my mom and my dad happily holding hands and smiling in peaceful awe.
I am convinced that prayer works. When we pray we do not always get the answer that we want from God, but He knows what is best for us. He will always meet us at our deepest need. God responded to my deepest need and prepared me for losing my mother. He prepared me to let her go to a better place. He prepared me to be happy for her. I will give God all the praise and all the glory both now and forevermore. He took a situation that rendered me totally helpless, lost and defeated, and cast it into the sea of forgetfulness. Each day the pain lessens. I can now focus on the good times I shared with my mother.
Glory to God, my wonderful Savior! I now have hope for all of my tomorrows. I know that I will see my mother again someday for now I am persuaded that, she is not dead...she is just away.
Life is a precious gift from God. We often take this gift for granted. Species born of man by way of the birth process are given three score and ten years to inhabit the earth. In nonprofessional terms that total amount to approximately seventy years.
To clarify, that is not an indication that everyone who reaches the age of seventy will die. Quite the contrary, statistics show that today the average lifespan of a woman is approximately 85 years. Man on the other hand have a shorter life span of approximately 75 years. In today's world man made averages have been challenged.
Both men and women are living even longer than previously predicted. According to sources, the oldest man in our world today is 111 years of age. The oldest woman is said to be 125 years of age. Life is unpredictable. As human inhabitants of planet earth, we are given a charge by God to be fruitful and multiply. He also gave us a charge to love one another. We should value this precious gift of life.
Life is precious because God made us in His image. His goal was to create man in His character. Armed with this information, I have to wonder why life is often treated with such indifference. Violence is inextricably woven into the fabric of human existence. Man settle differences by fighting and killing.
How must our creator be affected by such revelation? God is the ultimate authority over human life. Man is determined to take that authority from God and impose his own forms of justice. No one should have to die at the hand of man. We will all have to die someday. Old age, accidents, disease, and many other causes can result in the loss of life. We are in desperate need of a worldwide human awakening whereby man will learn to value this freely given gift from God.
It is my continuous prayer that all human beings everywhere will allow love to break out in their hearts like wild fire for humankind at large and stop the fighting, the envy, jealousy, backbiting and killing, and dare to allow love and appreciation towards one another to abound forever. Copyright 2006 Jena Walker
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)WONDERFULL, I WENT THRU SIMILAR CIRCUMSTANCES WITH MY MOM.THIS STORY IS THE ULTIMATE IN BLESSINGS AND COMFORT.GLORY TO GOD ON HIGH.
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